-(WINDOW CREAKING) -(WIND HOWLING)

(GROANS SOFTLY)

(HOOTING)

Stop adorably hopping away, you... Huh?

-Welcome to the Owl House. -(SNAPS FINGERS)

(GASPS)

(WHIMPERING)

(GASPING)

-(KING SNORING) -It wasn't a dream.

Good morning, terrifying fantasy world.

Good morning.

(GRUNTS)

-Eh? -Good morning, you little cutie-pie.

-I am not your cutie-pie! -Yes, you are.

(SIGHS) I know.

-(GASPS) -(BOTH HOOTING)

-Hi, Luz. -(SCREAMS)

Ow!

I'm just wishing you a good morning. Geez. Hoot.

Ow.

Sorry, Hooty.

This is it, old girl.

Your first day on the Boiling Isles as a witch apprentice.

Hyah!

Please have witchy clothes. Please have witchy clothes.

Yes, yes, yes.

(WHOOPING)

-(SQUEALING EXCITEDLY) -(TOILET FLUSHING)

(YAWNING)

Hmm?

Good morning, Eda the Owl Lady.

I am ready for my first day of Witch Apprenticeship.

Ugh. Who are you again?

Huh?

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Remember me? Luz? Ahh!

We freed the oppressed and defeated the evil warden together?

-Yesterday? -Kid, lay off the details.

I haven't even had my cup of apple blood yet.

-You mean apple juice? -No.

Teach me some spells. When do I get a magic staff?

Was I supposed to bring my own runes?

(GASPS) Do you have a dangerous magical quest for me?

Whoa, whoa. Slow down, kid. Being a witch doesn't happen overnight.

Also, you're wrapped in a bathrobe

and wearing the dirtiest traffic cone I've ever seen.

-(BLOWING) -(LAUGHING)

But a magic staff, huh? You really want one?

More than anything.

Magic staff, come to me.

(OBJECTS CLATTERING IN DISTANCE)

(YELPING)

It's early.

Now, witches are awarded their staffs from school.

With me as your teacher, you'll be taking a different approach.

You'll have to work for it.

I run a few businesses. On weekends, I offer rare human treasures

that Owlbert drags over from your side of the realm.

ELECTRONIC VOICE: I shall smite my enemies.

Ages six to eleven.

But most days I sell only the finest homemade elixirs and potions.

(LUZ READING)

No one wants an un-oiled snake. Follow me.

Today you'll deliver packages and sell potions to that town over there.

Bonesborough.

You'll have to be careful.

I have rivals everywhere who'd love to take my business down

and you along with it.

You wanted a dangerous magical quest? Sister, you've got one.

I won't let you down, Miss Eda.

(CRASHING)

I'm sure.

Remember, never befriend a man in sandals and always measure twice, cut once.

-Uh... -Good luck.

I hate to interrupt your power nap, but you have to go with her.

What? But I just found the perfect spot. Why do I have to go?

You and I know she's either gonna get lost or eaten, probably both.

No, I won't.

And because you work for me, too. Unless you want to start paying rent.

(KING GRUMBLING)

Be back by nightfall or risk mortal peril.

(DOOR CLOSES)

-Have a nice trip. -Huh. Let's get this over with.

Whoa!

(GASPING)

KING: Hey, it's rude to stare.

I've only seen places like this in my dreams. It's incredible.

-And I'm the only human here? -Haven't seen any others.

Wow. There must be a reason for that, right? Why am I here?

What if I, Luz Noceda, average teen,

actually had (GASPS) a predetermined path of greatness?

(GASPS) Just like Azura.

Yeah. Did Azura's path to greatness involve her delivering boil cream?

Today I'm delivering packages,

but tomorrow I'll be earning the respect of everyone

on the Boiling Isles with my magical prowess.

Ha! Good luck. The Boiling Isles is nothing but a cesspool of despair.

More like a cesspool of delight. (GRUNTS)

Ha-ha.

(GASPS)

What has four hooves and wants to buy a potion? This guy.

(SIGHING) My eyes are down here.

(YELPS)

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(SCREAMING)

(SIGHS) I know I've had enough delight for one day.

I thought being the only human in a magical world would make me special,

but apparently, it just makes everyone want to scream at me or eat me.

(SIGHS) At this point, Azura had already been sent on an enchanted quest.

Where's my quest-granting wizard?

Sorry to break it to you, Luz, but no one here is that well-dressed.

This has been a rough day. (GRUNTS)

Let's just deliver this last package and go home.

Maybe this world isn't what I thought it...

(GASPING)

Pretty.

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Big houses always belong to big whack jobs.

Let's kick the package inside and get outta here.

-Hello? -Hey, wait.

(SCREAMS)

Wait.

I'm delivering a package from Miss Eda the Owl Lady. Huh?

(GASPS)

Today just got good.

-Magical wizard. -A weird old man in jim-jams.

I was in my Oscillarium, reading the stars.

And who might you be, with eyes full of curiosity?

-Uh, I'm... -Young lady, dareth I say,

I sense something unique about you.

Please, won't you join me for tea?

(GASPS) Okay.

Let's scram. Wizards are just old people with glitter in their pockets.

I don't trust him.

But the stars on his robe are sparkling. And look. There's a baby fox in his beard.

(GIGGLING)

-Plus, I see scones on the table. -Where?

-(KING LAUGHING) -We'd love to join you for tea.

Do you sell potions, Sir Wizard?

Please, call me Adegast. And yes, I run a small business.

You should run a small business of more scones into my mouth. Ha-ha, yes!

I'm surprised to see you here.

It was my understanding that Eda delivered the packages herself.

Well, I'm kinda, sorta her apprentice.

Oh, and how are you finding the experience so far?

(SIGHS)

Can I be honest, Mr. Adegast?

When I decided to stay in this magical world,

I thought I was meant for something special.

But Eda thinks I'm meant for chores, and I'm afraid I came to the wrong place.

Hmm. I have a quest...

-A quest? -(TEACUP SHATTERS)

(CHUCKLES) You didn't let me finish. I have a question.

-Oh. -Would you like to go on a quest?

Yes.

I might have just the thing.

The prophecy speaks of a young human girl who will claim the Celestial Staff

and free this world from an ancient evil.

Perhaps thou hath cometh here for a reason.

Perhaps I hath.

Should you believe yourself worthy to attempt this quest...

So worthy.

...you need to know the road is dark and perilous...

Love peril. Big fan of peril.

...and only the Chosen One can pull the staff from its post.

-Chosen One. -Neat story. Awesome.

Anyway, your food is gone and we are, too.

Yes, we have to go and pack for this enchanted quest. I'm in.

Wonderful.

So, King, what kind of Chosen One should I be?

(YAWNS) Huh? What?

Should I be full of optimism and goodness, like the good witch Azura?

Or should I be like a bad girl Chosen One

with black nail polish and a mysteriously withdrawn attitude?

"I act like I don't care, but I secretly do."

Oh, you guys talking about bad girls? Wait. What's going on?

Eda, tell Luz how dumb wizards are.

Ugh! Wizards are the worst. Never trust a man in casual drapery. Why?

Your wizard client told Luz she was a... (LAUGHING)

-Was a Chosen One. -Wait, wait. Luz?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

KING: He even gave her a map.

(BOTH LAUGHING LOUDLY)

Let me see this map.

You didn't think this was real, did you?

-What? -This map is bunk.

There's no lake with a Celestial Staff on the Boiling Isles.

I would have stolen it ages ago.

Ah, don't worry.

Couple more months here and you won't look like such a mark.

Can I have some time alone?

(KING GRUNTING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Maybe they were right.

Huh?

(LUZ READING)

(GASPS)

That's why Eda couldn't see it. But am I really worthy?

(WIND HOWLING)

I'll never know unless I try.

Finally. All that mean-spirited laughter made me sleepy.

Crony, wake up. You said that wizard was one of my clients?

Yes. Now go away.

I don't know him that well,

and I don't trust this itch he's scratching in the human.

Less talky, more nappy.

(SIGHS)

-Hey, Luz? -(WIND HOWLING)

Oh, nuts.

-Hooty, where'd she go? -Hoot, hoot.

If you want the answer that you seek,

solve my riddle within a week. Oh!

Okay, okay. She went into the forest towards Bonesborough. Sheesh.

(EDA GROANING)

(INHALES DEEPLY) My first mythical quest. Ha.

Okay. Got my scroll, got my youthful optimism,

got my trusty weapon.

ELECTRONIC VOICE: By the power of Skullgar!

(DISTORTING) I am out of batteries.

You know, I wonder if I made

the right choice by coming here. (GASPS)

Whoa.

(CAT CREATURES MEOWING)

I see. So you're the Chosen One. (SCOFFS)

The Celestial Staff should've picked me,

Nevareth Bladestrife, teen prince of Angstmore.

Yes. Yes, I did make the right choice.

(KING SNIFFING)

This is where we met the scones. I mean, the wizard.

Whoa. It wasn't like this before.

I don't like this.

(PAPER RUSTLES)

I really don't like this.

Nevareth, your vengeful backstory is so compelling,

and I'm loving your animal sidekick.

After my village was consumed, my heart has known nothing but vengeance.

Nevareth.

Lady Luz, do you think love can bloom on the battlefield?

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

This quest is questing in all the right ways.

-(BOTH YELP) -Ew.

Hum-di-diddle. To pass the bridge, you must first solve my riddle.

Hit me, little furry man.

Your quest shall stop if you fail this game.

So, tell me, my dear, what is my name?

Hmm.

-Uh... Chris? -That's it.

You may cross the bridge. And please take this, Chosen One.

-It shall help you on your journey. -LUZ: Wow.

-This is amazing. Thank you. -Do you need a cape?

-Nah, I think I'm good. -You can use my shirt.

Yes, I need a cape.

(LUZ GASPS)

Three cheers for the Chosen One.

-Hip, hip... -ALL: Hurray.

-Hip, hip... -ALL: Hurray.

-Hip, hip... -Oh, no!

-Are you sure she came here? -(SNIFFING)

Can't mistake her smell. Like lemons and young, naive confidence.

Hmm.

Hey. Wake up, you.

What have you done with Luz? What's your endgame?

To find your pupil and still your wrath, look ahead and follow the path.

(LAUGHING EVILLY)

-(GASPS) The cat man melted. -(SIGHS) It's a trap.

-They want me to follow Luz. -So what do we do?

Hmm.

Thank you for inviting me to your feast, Princess.

All your food was so tiny and cute.

For you, Chosen One.

Thank you. You have all been so kind and thoughtful.

I hope this quest never ends.

Your quest will soon come to an end, for the staff you seek is around the bend.

Thanks for ruining the mood, Chris.

Go on, Chosen One. The Celestial Staff is yours.

You've earned it.

Farewell, Lady Luz.

PRINCESS: Farewell. We love you, Chosen One.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(GASPS)

I knew this world wasn't all gloom and doom like Eda and King said.

There is wonder here, and I... I think I came here for a reason.

Okay, this is it. Moment of truth.

Yes. I am the Chosen One. I knew it.

I always suspected there was a reason

nobody understood my wacky antics back at home.

Now I have concrete proof.

(LAUGHS)

No.

What?

I know this guy. He's no wizard. He's what you'd call a puppeteer,

a demon who specializes in scamming and manipulating people.

He's trying to use Luz to get to me.

Yeah. And we're flying directly into his trap. Hurray.

If you can think of a better plan, I'd love to hear it.

-Hey. Faster, you. -(OWL HOOTING)

(WHIMPERING)

-Luz the human. -Magical wizard?

Your hubris has failed you, witch apprentice. (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

Huh?

Okay, Luz, don't panic. This is classic Chosen One biz.

You just have to rescue everybody and defeat the final boss.

I am everybody, you fool. Don't you see?

I'm no wizard and you're no Chosen One.

-I've tricked you. (LAUGHS EVILLY) -What?

(GRUNTING)

No.

Betrayed by my own cool accessories. Why are you doing this?

Your mentor has been stealing customers from my potions business for years.

She must be destroyed.

Does everybody have a beef with Eda here?

-Well, yeah. -Absolutely.

-Yeah. -(LUZ GROANS)

And you lured her right into my trap,

all because you wanted to think you were special.

No. Joke's on you, 'cause Eda isn't stupid enough to fall for your trap.

-EDA: Adegast. -Aw, heck.

Eda, I have you now.

That's right. You have me. Now release Luz.

I didn't have to be a part of this.

Oh, she can leave if she wants to, but I sense she wants a real fantasy.

Stay with us, Luz. Stay with Adegast. We need you here.

-You could be our Chosen One. -Yeah.

You can eat our tiny foods forever.

Luz, why would you want to live in a world where people laugh at you?

It is beautiful here.

Luz.

And you guys think I'm special.

No. (GRUNTS)

But it's not real.

(LUZ GRUNTS)

I am a witch's apprentice,

and I'm gonna earn my magic staff the hard way.

I believed you, Magic Man. Now feel my wrath.

(LUZ YELLS)

(ADEGAST SCREAMS)

(EDA GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

(NEVARETH GRUNTING)

Thought we had a connection, Nevareth.

(NEVARETH SCREAMING)

My flawless pecs.

-(EDA GRUNTS) -Back off, or the dog gets it.

I am not a... (MUFFLED GRUMBLING)

King, I'm sorry.

I should have listened to you and never trusted that wizard.

You were right. He isn't mystical or magical.

He's just a big, slimy jerk.

(GRUNTS)

(ADEGAST SCREAMING)

Well, that's the last time

-I take an outside referral. -(SCREECHING)

Mmm.

-Oh, did you want some of that? -No. I'm just confused.

-Thinking of calling it quits, huh? -This place is nothing like I imagined.

Hmm. Maybe not here, but come with me. I got something to show you.

Okay, you can look.

Whoa.

The Bones of the Isles. Up close, the Isles can be slimy.

And very stinky.

And gross. But if you look at it from a different perspective...

-It's beautiful. -Yeah.

Eda, how did you know that wizard was lying?

Look, kid, everyone wants to believe they're "chosen,"

but if we all waited around for a prophecy to make us special,

we'd die waiting, and that's why you need to choose yourself.

Does that mean you'll give me a magic staff of my own?

Not yet, but someday.

(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)